


must get out

by moonrise_s



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Drabble Collection, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonrise_s/pseuds/moonrise_s
Summary: "Tsukishima feels warm at the thought of the bulky sweater keeping Yamaguchi warm. Its scent leaves him yet again wondering when he'll get the actual courage to take its place and be the one to do it instead."A collection of drabbles & ficlets about Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, and the ever-present tugging of unspoken and honest words that must but can't get out.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 31





	1. warm

**Author's Note:**

> ☾⋆☪

[to: yamaguchi]  
10:07 pm  
You left your sweater again.

—

The sweater is beige with the word "tomato" in front, threads sticking out from months (or has it been years?) of use. It's Yamaguchi's favorite, but he's left it again in the taller boy's room after a late-night study session.

Tsukishima imagines Yamaguchi picking it out of the other five that he has—even with clothes, his loyalty is evident. He pictures the boy mumbling "warm" with a sleepy smile when he puts it on before meeting Tsukishima like he always does at 6:30 am so they can walk together to school.

—

[from: yamaguchi]  
10:09 pm  
oh shit sorry tsukki can you bring it tomorrow? thank you and sorry again!!  
  
[to: yamaguchi]  
10:11 pm  
Yeah, don’t worry. okay see you  
  
—  
He takes it from where its draped over the chair and folds it carefully. It's soft and thick, probably why his best friend chooses it all the time. He tries to figure out if he also has redeeming qualities that can explain why Yamaguchi chooses to spend time with him everyday.

Tsukishima feels warm at the thought of the bulky sweater keeping Yamaguchi warm, its scent leaves him yet again wondering when he'll get the actual courage to take its place and be the one to do it instead.


	2. 12:10 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki asks for Yamaguchi's help interpreting an english passage for his homework. One of them tries to be brave.

"Yamaguchi, are you still up?" The knock comes just as he's about to throw on his covers. It's a bit past midnight, and Tsukishima probably knows it's way past his bed time. It's fine, Yamaguchi guesses that the lack of boundaries is what being best friends are for. 

"Yeah, Tsukki, hold on," he opens the door to find the tall boy with a bunch of papers in hand. He stifles a yawn. "I was just about to pass out, you came just in time."

"Oh. Sorry, it can wait. It's just homework," Tsukishima doesn't look at him directly as he begins to turn from the door.

"Tsukki," he calls, but only slightly out of want and more of duty. He's lost whatever drowsiness he had a few minutes ago. If Tsukishima, his smart and immensely independent friend, is desperate enough to consult him at 12:10 am about homework, then as his best friend, he is obliged to.

It's not like they even had reason to still have boundaries when it comes to mundane things. The two of them have spent most of their lives together—from their painfully embarrassing shared childhood, to the highs and lows of high school. And when both he and Tsukishima got into the same University, it had been the logical choice to rent an apartment together. 

It's mid-October and the nights are starting to get really cold. _But joke's on you mother nature_ , Yamaguchi thinks, the mere knowledge that Tsukki lives and breathes a couple of meters away gives him all the warmth he needs.

"I can't get the meaning of this paragraph. I thought you might be able to help me," Tsukishima trails off and gestures at the clock, "I can just search it up online, though."

Yamaguchi nevertheless asks for the paper—the "It's okay, I can help" goes without saying. Toward the end of high school, Yamaguchi started getting into English Literature, intrigued by its history and forms. He wasn't the best in English when he started, but through hard work (and his then growing passion for short form English fiction) he slowly became one of the top students in their senior year English class. So it came as no surprise to anyone when he enlisted for English & Writing as an elective on their first year in University. What was a surprise, however, was Tsukishima deciding at the last minute that he'd give the class a go, too.

Today's topic for class had been "Psychology of the Self" and their professor had asked the class to write a short introspective piece about their thoughts and feelings. After which, they were asked to exchange with someone else in class, and that person was put in charge of analyzing the piece.

"Here, I can give it a read," he sets his pillows aside and takes the paper from Tsukishima's hand, motioning that the tall boy sit beside him. Tsukishima only sits by the edge of the bed. 

Yamaguchi skims through the words and immediately sees that their classmate probably has had experience in writing. Albeit, a little bit cheesy but it gets the message across.

_"How do I begin to explain the storm you've stirred in my heart? It's the wind that takes me high and low, that which also lives inside me, breaking through the cages of my chest, threatening to explode to reach you but can't. One day, I'll ride its gusts and fly myself to you, If I ever find the bravery."_

"Oh, these are metaphors," he offers. Yamaguchi can feel his fingers buzz a bit while tracing the sentences, he feels like a philologist (is that what they call it?) that someone's just consulted and he's deciphering some sort of ancient text. "It's about feeling a certain way about someone, and," he clears his throat, "and feeling so much and just wanting to tell them, but not being able to. You know, that whole cliché unrequited love sort of thing."

Yes, cliché, and yet Yamaguchi knows the feeling all too well. Not to say that he hasn't had the occasional crush or fling here and there. In fact, he's received a good number of confessions toward his last year in high school, especially when he became captain. He still gets them today, and he definitely doesn't deny that some of them were cute. But Tsukki has been and always will be an ever-present presence in his life that made him want to explode, and he's constantly at the verge, held together only by a holed wall of pride he's so expertly managed to keep up. Yamaguchi's tried to repair the damage to no avail; liking Tsukki is an ages old thing that he has accepted to be an irreversible fact about himself.

"Really. Why doesn't he just tell them, then?" Tsukishima says, sounding annoyed as always, but Yamaguchi finds it a little bit out of character for him to bother with trivial things like unrequited feelings. Tsukishima continues, demanding, "If he feels he's about to explode and everything like he says."

"I don't know, Tsukki, I guess it isn't always easy," _especially when you're pretty sure they don't feel the same way,_ Yamaguchi thinks, _and you practically live with them, and they've been your best friend for just about forever, Tsukki, and whoop-dee-doo, I guess it's not really that big of a deal that everything you ever had together would be put at stake if you tell them._

"Right," Tsukishima begins, "makes sense." 

The topic ends abruptly and the room goes silent. If Tsukki could read Yamaguchi's thoughts, he'd start panting from how fast they're running. The air around has suddenly become _thick_ and he feels like he needs to focus on breathing else he'll forget.

Just as he's started drowning in his own embarrassing thoughts, Tsukishima breaks the silence when he shifts from where he's awkwardly positioned on the corner of the bed and moves just a tad bit closer, infiltrating Yamaguchi's space. He's so close that Yamaguchi can feel his warm breathing and the burning of his eyes which were now meeting the freckled boy's.

His best friend has slept over his room so many times; it isn't anything new. But Tsukki isn't the type to linger around after conversations end, Yamaguchi knows this, never the one to initiate anything. This, despite how normal it may seem, is not anything he's been expecting.

And he's definitely not expecting it when Tsukishima touches his arm lightly, opening his mouth once like he wants to say something and stops, and tries again, and—

"Yamaguchi," his voice is soft but firm, "I've been meaning to tell you something." 

At this point, his hearing has been muffled by the rush of blood to his ears prompted by Tsukishima's earlier touch. 

"This may sound weird but, Yamaguchi, I—"

His phone rings, as if on cue, his phone fucking rings. It's Hinata's name flashing to his ridiculous ringtone and he only feels a little bit bad thinking about how he actually wants to strangle his dear friend right now for unknowingly interrupting what could be the moment of moments. He quickly rejects the call, but Tsukishima's already snapped out of whatever trance he was in. 

"Sorry, Tsukki, uh, you were saying?" _Shit. It's probably the ringtone. The ringtone must've thrown Tsukki off._

"Oh-uh, nothing." Tsukishima only looks a little bit dazed before clearing his throat, and in the most Tsukishima way, calm and stoic, asks, "I was just leaving. Uh, Will you be up at seven? I can cook breakfast. You have class at nine right?"

"Oh, okay!" he tries his best not to sound disappointed at the shift. "Thanks Tsukki. Hmm, we can get coffee after! I'll walk you to class, too," Yamaguchi says and immediately wonders if he said it too enthusiastically.

"Yeah, okay," A pink color has noticeably stained Tsukishima's cheeks, but Yamaguchi doesn't comment on it, "thanks again, Yamaguchi."

"Anytime, Tsukki." He almost misses the faint smile on the blond boy's lips as he closes the door. 

—

_"One day, I'll ride its gusts and fly myself to you, If I ever find the bravery."_

Yamaguchi threads the passage in his mind over and over. The events just moments ago hasn't sunk in yet. Could it be that it really isn't just him who lacked the bravery? And if he and Tsukki both really were thinking it, should he have been the one to go for it, instead? Should he have pushed further earlier? Maybe so. He turns his light off and settles back into his covers, setting his alarm clock to seven.

 _Sorry for not being brave enough today, Tsukki_ —staring at the ceiling, he imagines sending an invisible beam from his mind to the boy now two rooms down and hopes to the heavens that whatever his best friend was trying to say, he'll try saying again soon. Hopefully, he'll be brave enough then— _Sorry, Tsukki, maybe we can try again another day._


	3. kei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day before high school ends.

“Vending machine,” Kageyama says as he carves the characters into the spot on the tree beside Hinata’s.

“Volleyball net,” Hinata tries to say louder, still competing with his friend. It’s the day before they graduate and the orange ball of energy has persuaded them into carving their favorite things about high school onto a tree behind the gym. Yamaguchi joins, of course, giving into this bit of sentimentality, and Tsukishima, well he has always been Yamaguchi’s reluctant-but-whatever-he’ll-do-it plus one.

“My heart will always have a place for you, court floor,” Hinata says, dramatically wiping pretend tears.

“I have a feeling it never loved you back,” Tsukishima says with a smirk, his friends have already grown fond of his teasing after three years, “Also, you said only one important thing. Do you not know how counting works?”

Hinata sticks his tongue out and Yamaguchi laughs at that. He thinks of what he wants to carve. Then, the memories flood—he thinks about walks to school, sleepovers, nights staying up studying or practicing, night walks telling each other about their day, quietly masking the _real_ things they want to say.

He starts carving, delicate curves etching onto his chosen spot. Tsukishima is right behind him, watching his best friend. A blush warms the tall blond’s cheeks.

On that particular tree, for years, a name will stay.

_Kei._


End file.
